Pretty Head Football Coaches, Humorous post

810 AM out of Kansas City has a hard-on for new Chiefs coach Todd Haley. On Monday, Kevin Kietzman, a guy whom George Brett is convinced doesn't go to Royals games even though he's supposed to cover them, played NFL edited--corporate recored, edited, and distributed online--audio of Chiefs training and proceeded to say "I love this coach." He then suggested buying season tickets. "You know I'm not a corporate schill, but there are plenty of good season tickets available at good prices."

I'm not convined Todd Haley will be very good because he's too handsome. Lane Kiffin bolted for the University of Tennessee after a 5-15 record in Oakland. Steve Spurrier went 12-20 in Washington even after he lost his looks. Steve Mariucci works as a talking head for NFL network after going 17-31 in Detroit. Mike Nolan looked too good in a suit and went 18-37 with the Niners. My friend Lewis proposed the only one that does not follow this trend is John Guden--but followed that by pointing out that Gruden won a Super Bowl with Tony Dungy's team and against his old football team. We call this the "Jon Gruden exception." Sort of like grandfathering.

Guys who are successful, and won a Super Bowl, seem pretty curmudgeon or have a chip on their shoulder because of a lack of/or only possessing a respectable amount of handsomeness. See Bill Parcells, Geogre Seifert, Chuck Noll, George Halas, etc. Dick Vermeil had to age before he won one with St. Louis. Tom Landry was respectably handsome with a chip on his shoulder. We call this the "Tom Landry factor."

Kietzman seems like the sort of Kansan/midwesterner to deem Tom Flores too "exotic" and "passionate," which puts Flores in the latter camp--his looks unconventionally handsome when compared to the former group. This is the "Tom Flores factor." Kietzman also seems like the type of Kansan/Johnson County guy who spends most of his day worrying about dying.

I wonder if this is true

Because if it is, it's a heartbreaking work of staggering genius.

Why Your Stadium Sucks

Deadspin's Why Your Stadium Sucks features are always hit and miss but I like their take on Fenway. As someone who grew up watching a team in a multi-purpose stadium, a team that beat the Red Sox in a World Series (and the Yankees a year later), I don't get old baseball stadiums in big markets.

I feel like an asshole every time I google myself.

I'm one of Blog of a Bookslut's highlights of the current issue of NOÖ Journal. Like Michael Schaub says, though, it's all great. I liked Ron Padgett and Jason Bredle's stuff quite a bit.

Today I went to Half Price Books in Overland Park and looked around. They had old copies of Look from the early 1970's and a December 14, 1971 issue had a Doral Cigarettes ad. The best part of the ad was the picture of the new Doral filter with this text:

The new filter delivery system is so complicated
it would take an explanation by a scientist,
but Doral explains it in just two words:
"taste me."

I've been watching HBO's Rome. I'm near the end of the series with a few episodes left. Joni used to wear gladiator sandals, she probably still does, and I thought they were hot. I thought about her sandals in the history section of Half Price Books and about how Mark Antony ordered his assassins to cut Cicero's hands off and nail them to the doors of the forum. They also mounted Cicero's head and Antony's wife stabbed a hack-pin into his tongue over and over again.

I choose to use the pronoun We when talking about my alma mater's basketball team

I graduated from Wright State University in Dayton, Ohio later than most--2007 at the age of 26--and I covered Wright State basketball during their 2006-2007 Horizon League championship season for a paper out of Xenia, Ohio. We had a really great point guard named DaShaun Wood who was the reason that we beat Butler and made the NCAA tournament for the first time in 14 years. Pittsburgh stomped us in the first round. The Panthers had current Chicago Bulls back up center Aaron Gray on the roster. Wood plays for Benetton Treviso in Italy's Serie A--one of the top leagues in the world.

I think found his Twitter today.

PTI talked about Shaq's new reality TV show on ABC and its premier Tuesday night. Michael Wilbon talked about how funny and comfortable Shaq was and how in basketball, more than in any other sport, personality and the ability to articulate one's self matter as much as athletic ability--to be successful, one has to cultivate a personality. It's why Larry Bird and Tim Duncan seem like cold fish compared to Magic Johnson and LeBron James. Wood seems to be a part of the latter crowd, telling from the tweets. That may not be a fair assessment--you only get 140 characters to express yourself.

The semester at UMKC starts Monday and I finished my syllabus for 225. I'm using poems in the class for multi-genre projects--ones that use research. I got Albert Goldbarth, Lawrence Giffin, and Joe Wenderoth.

Maybe I could use the same prompt as Playgirl's requirements for their fiction (via Duotrope):

Be creative, wild, and uninhibited in your writings. Write what turns you on, not what you think turns other people on. All submissions considered must be sexually explorative fantasies that empower, enlighten, and entertain. Any fantasies that involve pain, degradation, or extreme negativity will not be published. Fantasies need to be in the first person, and from the female perspective using "I".

That might go too far.

Twitter.

I don't have Twitter for one offs.

People in Olive Garden advertisements smile and laugh so easily.

My friend Greg Lamer's photograph appears with Kim Chinquee's story in NOÖ Journal [10].

NOÖ Journal [10]

NOÖ Journal 10 is up. My poem is also on the right hand side under the publication link.

Yeah.

Really?

The first time I ever got drunk with my dad occured in May at Bw3s in West Carrollton, Ohio. At one point he said:

"I don't give a fuck what you with this country, just give us free healthcare and affordable University education."

This image is for my friend Darrell